The Sendai Earthquake of 2011

First and foremost, I'd like to say that my thoughts and well-wishes go out to the survivors of the earthquake, and my condolences to the families of the victims.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way...

I swear to God and sonny Jesus that I will fucking end the first person who tells me that this is some kind of omen that the world is going to end in 2012.

Also, it's worth pointing out that, out of the top ten deadliest natural disasters in the recorded history of the world, China has had five of them.

Five... out of ten.

You know why? Rice. YOU EAT TOO MUCH RICE. KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF. EAT A FUCKING HAMBURGER. TRY A TACO!

Now, in absolutely no seriousness at all, I'm not saying that's a sign, but holy shit. TAKE A HINT. You know how much bad shit happens in South America due to natural disasters? NONE. You know why? They're just sitting around, face-rolling in mountains of cocaine, eating tacos and playing soccer. I dunno about anyone else, but if I had control over a country, and we'd suffered through five of the ten worst natural disasters in recorded history, I would MOVE.

No, not me. The whole goddamn country.

To South America.

... Anyway, keep your chin up, Japan. You got this. *knuckle-bump*

China, eat less rice and the world may not try to kill you quite so often. Alternately, head to South America and invest heavily in cocaine and tacos.

P.S. - lern2tacobell.