Dear Japan,We humbly request, in exchange for Pokemon, Digimon, Yu-Gi-Oh!, Bakugan, and Power Rangers, as well as all related spin-offs and franchises of the entire collection of the aforementioned titles, some original ideas.We'll take some decent Godzilla flicks as a consolation prize if you are unable or unwilling to comply.
Sincerely yours, The U.S.A.
This was the original post I put on Facebook... Now, seriously... I wouldn't mind if they introduced some NEW shit into the mix, but no. Granted, they have balanced it out with Appleseed, Ghost in the Shell, Ninja Scroll, sushi and saki, but damn.
We had Pokemon and it was fine. There were 151 of 'em. Now there's 600-something. THAT IS TOO MANY. YOU BETTER MAKE SURE YOU KEEP IT UNDER THE FOUR-DIGIT RANGE OR I WILL PERSONALLY TORTURE ONE ASIAN BY WATER TORTURE FOR EVERY POKEMON OVER THE ORIGINAL 151 THAT WERE INTRODUCED.
AND I WILL CROTCH-PUNCH A BLIND JAPANESE ORPHAN THE NEXT TIME I SEE A CARTOON OR ANIME THAT HAS A COMBINATION OF ONE, TWO OR THREE LETTERS AT THE END OF IT THAT AREN'T A WORD. TWICE IF IT INVOLVES YU-GI-OH!
AND NO MORE OF THIS COLOR SCHEME SHIT, POKETARDS. Red and green was fine. Throw some yellow and blue in. THAT'S IT.
And hey, Final Fantasy. You were doing so well. Then you hit X... Which was ten. I came to this conclusion logically because it followed IX... which is nine... Then you came out with both X-2 and XI... Then XII... And it goes on...
YOU CANNOT DO THIS. THAT IS NOT HOW YOU COUNT TO TWELVE, NOR HOW YOU COUNT PAST TWELVE. KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF RIGHT NOW.
Street Fighter is just as guilty of this. YOU KNOCK IT OFF, TOO.
Ahem... To continue...
If I don't see a GOOD Castlevania game that does NOT involve a stylus pen (I'm looking at you, Nintendo DS), I will dropkick an Asian off a cliff for every attempt I have to make (succeed or fail) at drawing a seal, sign or anything else in order to beat a boss.
To that note, if I see any further Castlevania games that do not involve a Belmont or the Vampire Killer, I will sacrifice one Asian to C'thulhu for every enemy I defeat without the option of doing so with the Vampire Killer whip (regardless of whether or not I actually do so). I don't want to see any more of that Soma Cruz dipshit, regardless of whether or not he's supposed to be Dracula or not. For every story involving Soma Cruz, I will personally hunt down and beat one member of your government to death with the skull of a baby panda bear.
And Metroid - you'd better get back to your roots. Metroid Prime was good and all, but this first-person shit is going overboard when you have to use that LITTLE PLASTIC PENCIL. For every enemy I must face with that little plastic pencil as my primary tool for aiming, I will stab one ninja in both their eyes.
Finally, the next joke I hear about Wii-tards playing with their Wii-Wiis will result in me beating a samurai to death with a Wii-remote. If it is wired, and my arm is tired from the repeated bashing of the samurai, I reserve the right to simply strangle said samurai.
You have my demands, Japan! Knock off the tom-foolery, hi-jinx and shenanigans or else!
AND NO MORE OF THIS COLOR SCHEME SHIT, POKETARDS. Red and green was fine. Throw some yellow and blue in. THAT'S IT.
And hey, Final Fantasy. You were doing so well. Then you hit X... Which was ten. I came to this conclusion logically because it followed IX... which is nine... Then you came out with both X-2 and XI... Then XII... And it goes on...
YOU CANNOT DO THIS. THAT IS NOT HOW YOU COUNT TO TWELVE, NOR HOW YOU COUNT PAST TWELVE. KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF RIGHT NOW.
Street Fighter is just as guilty of this. YOU KNOCK IT OFF, TOO.
Ahem... To continue...
If I don't see a GOOD Castlevania game that does NOT involve a stylus pen (I'm looking at you, Nintendo DS), I will dropkick an Asian off a cliff for every attempt I have to make (succeed or fail) at drawing a seal, sign or anything else in order to beat a boss.
To that note, if I see any further Castlevania games that do not involve a Belmont or the Vampire Killer, I will sacrifice one Asian to C'thulhu for every enemy I defeat without the option of doing so with the Vampire Killer whip (regardless of whether or not I actually do so). I don't want to see any more of that Soma Cruz dipshit, regardless of whether or not he's supposed to be Dracula or not. For every story involving Soma Cruz, I will personally hunt down and beat one member of your government to death with the skull of a baby panda bear.
And Metroid - you'd better get back to your roots. Metroid Prime was good and all, but this first-person shit is going overboard when you have to use that LITTLE PLASTIC PENCIL. For every enemy I must face with that little plastic pencil as my primary tool for aiming, I will stab one ninja in both their eyes.
Finally, the next joke I hear about Wii-tards playing with their Wii-Wiis will result in me beating a samurai to death with a Wii-remote. If it is wired, and my arm is tired from the repeated bashing of the samurai, I reserve the right to simply strangle said samurai.
You have my demands, Japan! Knock off the tom-foolery, hi-jinx and shenanigans or else!
u have problems... :)
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